Renee Baker, Ph.D.EE, LPC

A Story by Renee Baker, Edge Publications, Sept 30, 2009

Transgender lawyer Brittany Novotny of Oklahoma City officially announced her candidacy on Sunday to represent House District 84.

Novotny will face three-term incumbent Republican state Rep. Sally Kern, who achieved national notoriety when she declared homosexuality is “destroying this nation” in comments she made to a group of fellow GOP lawmakers.

Novotny made her announcement at a press meeting in Oklahoma City, where House District 84 lies.

“It’s a really exciting time to be an Oklahoman,” she said.

CBS News 9 in Oklahoma City described Novotny as a “controversial candidate” with an “equally controversially” opponent. The station further concluded the HD 84 election will likely become “one of the state’s most publicized House races.”

Novotny said her campaign will focus on education and infrastructure and how improvements in each area will lead to what she concluded is higher employment and a better quality of life for Oklahomans. Novotny added she feels the construction of the Ford Center that paved the way for the Oklahoma City Thunder and other past-infrastructure investments have begun to pay off.

“Just last year, we found ourselves joining the ranks of “Big League Cities” as we welcomed the Oklahoma City Thunder to the Ford Center, and we’re not done yet,” she proclaimed.

Novotny continued.

“These projects will create jobs, improve our quality of life, encourage local economic development, and help us draw even more good jobs to the area,” she said.

Novotny conceded, however, not everything in the Sooner State “looks quite so rosy.” She pointed to an increase in Oklahoma’s unemployment rate and the skyrocketing cost of health care as additional problems. And Novotny singled out GOP lawmakers in Oklahoma City.

“Several prominent Republican leaders in the State House have appeared more interested in stoking division and fear, rather than working toward bi-partisan solutions to the issues facing hard working Oklahomans,” she said.

Novotny further accused Kern of not focusing on local issues. She further described her socially conservative opponent as “out of touch” with her constituency.

“Instead of working on legislation to address [education], Rep. Kern found time to craft House Concurrent Resolution 1033, a resolution to condemn the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child,” Novotny said. “Such resolutions have no practical impact on our day to day lives [in District 84.]”

Novotny said, “Such resolutions have no practical impact on our day to day lives [in District 84].”

For more on the story, click here.

A Story by Renee Baker, EDGE Publications, Sept. 14, 2009

American author and political activist Susan Sontag once used cancer as a metaphor for the unknown. She said when politicians want us to fear something, they compare it to a disease such as cancer. We will then want to “cut it out” and get rid of it. Representative Sally Kern [R-Oklahoma City] knows this trick well.

Oklahoma City voters have elected Kern to represent House District 84 three times. She ran once unopposed, but a transgender woman has emerged to challenge Kern.

Brittany Novotny, 29, is a lawyer with her own law firm in Oklahoma City. She earned her Juris Doctorate from the University of California’s Hastings College of Law. And the Oklahoma bar admitted her in 2005.

Novotny is expected to formally announce her candidacy later this month. She declined to disclose the details of her campaign, but she provided EDGE a brief statement.

“I am laying the groundwork for my campaign and getting the tools together to make sure we run a winning campaign,” Novotny said.

Novotny faces an almost certain uphill battle against the three-term incumbent.

Kern remains a staunch advocate of so-called traditional marriage and opposes what she routinely describes as the homosexual agenda. She has compared homosexuality to a cancer that starts in a toe or another innocuous place, and then it spreads slowly and insidiously throughout the whole body. Kern privately shared this belief with a group of Republicans, but her comments homosexuality “is destroying this nation” and “it spreads.” were caught on tape.

“This stuff is deadly, and it will destroy our young people,” she proclaimed.

These comments sparked an immediate firestorm of controversy. And even talk show host Ellen DeGeneres jumped into the fray.

Log onto www.brittany4hd84.com for more information.

For more on this story, click the EDGE link.

A Story by Renee Baker, Sept 03, 2009

Group focused on family-oriented activities empowers women

If you were to suggest to Cheryl Daniel, in days of insouciance only of course, that she is a bitch, she will be happy to correct you. Oh, absolutely.

“That would be Queen Bitch to you,” she will reply with a smile.

Her partner, Martha Blackbird, will agree with an infectious laugh: “That’s right, and I’m the Consort to the Queen.”

You might say they are a bitch’n royal couple that — like the motto on their kitchen wall inspires — lives, loves and laughs.

Daniel is the progenitor of Bitch N Brunch, a fun-loving group of ladies that enjoys not just dining, but all types of family-oriented activities, from bowling to backyard barbeques. The group started small, with just seven gals at an outing at Enchilada’s on Greenville in December of 2006. But it has now grown to more than 500 members.

Daniel was inspired to begin the brunch group while attending the Dinah Shore Golf Tournament “lesbian fest” in Palm Springs, California a few years ago.

She said, “When I got off the plane, there were lesbians everywhere.”

Then when she arrived at the Wyndham Hotel, she prepared to attend a party sponsored by Girl Bar, based out of Los Angeles.

Daniel says that only women were allowed in the hotel, but there was one man remaining who refused to leave. As the crowd grew to nearly a thousand gals, he was finally persuaded to exit the hotel.

Watching this evolve, Daniel realized that “a thousand women’s voices could outdo a man’s.” She felt inspired by that to make a change “in my own community” by bringing women together for mutual empowerment.

Daniel says she knew that the local Chick Happy Hour was a successful group already. But she felt there was a need for something else, something centered on dining and other family activities.

According to Daniel, many in the community prefer to get out in the daytime instead of the evening. She jokes, “Lesbians like to go to bed by 9 o’clock.

Daniel says she chose the name Bitch N Brunch because the word “bitch” holds a certain “ultimate” strength and carries the sense of empowerment. Blackbird adds, “When women appear to be strong, they are often called a bitch.”

Daniel says not everyone has been comfortable with the name, some relaying they felt awkward asking the restaurant hostess to look for a group, whose name has the word “Bitch” in it.

That said, Bitch N Brunch was born and has grown into to quite a success.

BNB member Lisa Willingham of Frisco says, “I believe the underlying reason for its success is Cheryl, with plenty of Martha’s support along the way. The BNB group fits their personalities perfectly, and because of them, the group is a comfortable place to meet new and not-so-new friends.”

Blackbird says BNB is also successful because it gives women a chance to be part of the community without any obligations. She says, “The biggest selling point is that there is no agenda. It is just girls getting together for the chit-chat and for the joy of it.”

Daniel says there have also been successes in the romance department: “I have often felt like the surrogate mother to the couples that have met at the brunch.”

Willingham encourages new members, and perhaps those looking for a date or perhaps a tennis partner, to feel comfortable coming to a BNB outing.

She says, “Once you meet Cheryl and Martha, you realize they are genuine, down-to-earth, wonderful women who love to laugh and entertain and who always greet you with a big smile.”

BNB meets in Dallas on the third Sunday of every month. There is also a North BNB group for those living in McKinney or Denton, and a West BNB group for those living in the Fort Worth area. Join Daniel and Blackbird on Sept. 1h for the Bitch N Barge PRIDE outing on Lake Lewisville. For more information about BNB, contact Daniel at cadaniel66@hotmail.com. There is no cost to be a member.

For more on the story, click the Dallas Voice link.

Ghost Writer Renee Baker, August 21, 2009, Dallas Voice

Jeff Snook is the chair of Out & Equal Workplace Advocates in DFW, and he is chair of Sodexo PRIDE in Irving. Out & Equal holds its third annual wine tasting fundraiser Thursday, Aug. 27 at 7 p.m. at Times Ten Cellars. For more information, visit OutAndEqual.org.

How are you involved with Out & Equal?
My involvement began several years ago with my company’s national support of Out & Equal. As I learned about and became more involved with the organization, I was impressed with its mission and resolved to make a difference in the workplace for LGBT employees. In 2008, I served on the affiliate leadership council as secretary and in 2009 as the chair.

How has the DFW chapter contributed to the organization’s mission?
Out & Equal is a national, nonprofit organization headquartered in San Francisco that champions safe and equitable workplaces for LGBT people. The DFW affiliate strives to produce local educational and networking events for sharing tools and best practices about important LGBT workplace issues.

Is there a way we can measure equality in the workplace and how we are doing?
For the last seven years, the Human Rights Campaign has published a report card on LGBT equality in corporate America by rating companies on how their policies, practices and benefits include LGBT employees. In 2009, 260 businesses received the top score of 100 percent compared to 195 in 2008 and 138 in 2007. We’re making progress, but personally speaking, we have a long way to go.

What are some chapter activities that you are proud of?
The Professional Development Series allows our members to exchange ideas and best practices while learning more about LGBT issues in the workplace. In 2008, we partnered with Resource Center Dallas to support the Transgender Remembering Our Dead Project, which honors the memories of the nearly 400 “documented” people who have been murdered over the last 10 years based on bias against transgender people. Through our annual wine tasting fundraiser, we are able to support the attendance of two registrants, who are doing great work in the local community, to the annual Out & Equal Workplace Summit — being held this year in Orlando in October.

What events are coming up and how can people get plugged in to volunteer?
I invite anyone interested in getting involved to attend one of our affiliate council meetings, held monthly at the Resource Center. People may attend an Out & Equal DFW event locally — with something held nearly every month. It’s a great way to connect.

For more on the story, see the Dallas Voice link.

A Story by Renee Baker, Nov 7, 2008, Edge Publications

Teresa Cain was born in Mississippi and grew up in Dallas, but she was raised on paperback books. She’s now a Texas attorney with a heart for romance and a mind for criminal law, but she’s taking her first stab at novel writing with a romantic novel called truelesbianlove.com.

When Cain was younger, she read so many mystery novels and courtroom dramas that she decided to go to law school. Cain, 44, received her Juris Doctorate from the University of New Mexico and became a criminal defense attorney at Mills and Williams, one of Texas’ best law firms.

But Cain has another heart – one for romance. Inspired by authors such as Nora Roberts, Radclyffe and Jennifer Fulton. Her first novel is about two women who are dared into finding true love on the Internet. It’s not too different than how Cain met her own partner, Lainey, on Match.com, a leading dating resource for singles that is friendly towards the LGBT community.

After a month of online chat and email, Cain met Lainey over a cup of coffee and it was “love at first sight.” Five years ago, they married in Canada so nobody could take their marriage away. Cain shares her grief in tears as we discuss the recent ban of gay marriage in California. She says it was “horrible and devastating” news, much more devastating than people realize.
Cain and her wife now share a home near White Rock Lake in Dallas. They converted their garage into a studio, part of which is a writer’s loft where Cain can quietly escape and gather her thoughts. Many of them are scribbled down on note paper she has collected in her purse. She has a shopping list handy and we look at the plot laid out on the back of wrinkly paper. Cain jokes in hope that she doesn’t write “pay electric bill ” into one of her paragraphs.

Writing is part mystery for most writers, and Cain says she never knows where the characters are going to take her. While she has some general ideas for plot, she says that just like in the courtroom, there are always surprises. She writes in an “organic” style, feeling like too much structure and detailed planning get in the way of her creative energies. As such, she keeps a digital recorder with her at all times, especially while in the car, where she gets her best ideas at random.

Sometimes Cain wakes up in the middle of the night with her muse calling her. She grabs a pen and pad on the nightstand and scribbles down her command. In the morning, she hopes to decipher what she wrote in the dark. Cain knows she can capture the words when the vision is clear. When it clicks, she can see the words forming paragraphs and the paragraphs filling up her pages. She compares her writing to the trials she attends. Not far in front of the judge’s bench, she lays out all the scratch notes on her table, like pieces of a puzzle, building bullet points in her mind, and then seeing an overall approach, she presents her visual map in the closing arguments.

Cain is being published through Bold Stroke Books, an independent LGBT publisher. When Cain attended a Golden Crown Literary conference, she was struck by what a family feel they projected, not to mention that they publish many award winning writers. She dreams to one day open her own bookstore catering to the LGBT community. But, she says, that will probably have to wait until she retires and publishes a “good list of books.”

Next Friday there will be a launch party for Cain’s literary debut, at Sue Ellen’s at 6:00 p.m. She’ll have books available for signing. More information about Cain and her next book is available at www.carsentaite.com.

For more on this story, click the EDGE link.

A Story by Renee Baker, Edge Publications, August 18, 2009

When it comes to writing courtroom briefs, her legal name is Teresa Cain. But when it comes to writing about lesbian courtship, her nom de plume is Carsen Taite. She is true to her twin Gemini spirit; a criminal attorney by day and romance author by night.

With not even a year since the release of her first book truelesbianlove.com, Taite is releasing her second lesbian romance. And this time with intrigue and courtroom drama. The book, It Should Be a Crime, is being released through Bold Stroke Books.

Her new book contains a great deal more intrigue than her first. And it teases us with being a “story of forbidden love set against the backdrop of high stakes courtroom drama.”

The story takes place in Dallas, where Cain practices criminal law with Mills and Williams, one of Texas’ best firms. Though she says there are no direct connections to local lesbian establishments, the writing will “whiz” you through the streets of the Big D.

One of those streets is a dark alleyway where our two lovers initially meet before they move on to have a night of unbridled passion. Neither woman expected more than but a few “lusty” hours together. Weeks later, however, they meet again in law school to discover that one woman is a teacher and the other is her student.

To tell you anymore would be a crime, so we will have to refer you to the book. You can be assured though, that it is filled with pages based on real-life criminal cases.

Taite said her experience as a criminal lawyer gives her unlimited ideas. In fact, she has already completed a draft of her third novel, Do Not Disturb, and her fourth book is in the proposal stages. Taite added she feels she works best under deadline. And she said she plans to release about one new novel each year.

The writer has found her own romance too. She lives with her partner Lainey in Dallas. They met on Match.com, a dating service similar to the one she writes about in her first book.

Besides writing novels, Taite also has completed a love story called Privileged and Confidential. It is appearing in the anthology Romantic Interludes 2: Secrets, being released this September by Bold Stroke Books.

Taite will be appearing at Barnes and Noble, Borders and other bookstores and venues across the country. Her next appearance is at Borders on Lemmon Avenue in Dallas this Thursday, Aug. 20, at 7 p.m.

Log onto www.CarsenTaite.com for more information.

For more on this story, click here.

A Story by Renee Baker, Dallas Voice, Aug 13, 2009.

Stabile fell victim to ‘Purity Siege’ on Cedar Springs strip 2 years ago

They what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And so it seems for former “homosexual sinner” James Stabile, who’s still proud to be “out” in Oak Lawn and has announced his new ex-ex-gay organization, Love Actually.

In May 2007, when he was 19, Stabile was caught up in the “I-35 Light the Highways” Christian intercessory movement. He says his Methodist and Catholic church upbringing had taught him that everything homosexual was a sin, that he was a sinner, and that he would burn in “the lake of fire” if he didn’t change his ways.

So when he was approached one night during a “Purity Siege” on the Cedar Springs strip, he was susceptible to feeling the “fire” of religious indoctrination.
He didn’t have a prayer in the world of standing up to a team of seasoned intercessors.

The Light the Highways movement was kicked off by Cindy Jacobs, a “prophet” of Generals International. The group’s only listed location is a post office box in Red Oak, near Waxahachie. The national I-35 movement called for churches from Laredo to Duluth, Minn., to pray, evangelize and intercede all along the I-35 corridor, for 35 days, based upon a biblical verse in the 35th chapter of Isaiah.

Pastor Steve Hill of Heartland World Ministries Church in Las Colinas was the lead “radical evangelist” for the mission, and it was Hill’s group who approached Stabile, then at a low point in his life, and prayed for his soul.

Stabile says he thought he was going to hell for his sins.

He’d been “whoring himself out” in Oak Lawn at the time, and when he was approached by the intercession team, they asked if he was “pure.”

Stabile said no and they led him to believe it was because he was gay.

Stabile says he realized later that he would have been engaging in the same sexual behavior had he been straight, but at the time, he believed them. He didn’t want to be “gay anymore” and didn’t want to “feel dirty.”

So he agreed to attend reparative therapy at Pure Life Ministries, located along the Dixie Highway in Dry Ridge, Ky.

Pure Life’s Web site states it is “on the front lines rescuing souls” and “setting men free” from their sexual addictions. They outwardly condemn homosexuality and gay churches, including the Cathedral of Hope, where Stabile says he has now found salvation and “God’s love.”

Along with 45 other men, Stabile says he spent more than three “horrible” months in the conversion therapy program at Pure Life, until they finally kicked him out for being an “unteachable spirit.”

“They teach you to hate yourself,” Stabile recounts, “and you think everyone else must hate you, too. … I had turned my back on who I was.”

Calls to Pure Life seeking comment for this article were not returned. But Steve Gallagher, founder and president of Pure Life, has written, “People who have a bent towards homosexuality must resist those desires which come out of their lower nature, repent of their sin, and commit themselves to living in obedience to God’s Word.”

Earlier this month, the American Psychological Association released a statement reaffirming its position that homosexuality is not a mental disorder and advising mental health professionals to “avoid telling clients that they can change their sexual orientation through therapy or other treatments.”

Stabile says he felt trapped at Pure Life, and that they would not let him leave. He says in order to get expelled from the program, he and another young man staged a kiss in their support group.

“We couldn’t leave, so we made out in our therapy session to get kicked out,” he says.  “They held you there by force … in the middle of nowhere.”

But he came out of the experience as a stronger person. “I am a straight camp survivor,” he says, “and I’m proud to be gay now.”

Stabile found spiritual support at Cathedral of Hope and says that he owes his life to the congregation. He says it was at CoH that he realized God loved him and that he loved God.

Gallagher has a different take on the church billed as the largest primarily congregation in the world. Gallagher says “homosexual churches” including “Cathedral of Hope” and “Metropolitan Community Church” are growing at an “alarming rate.”

The Rev. Michael Piazza, dean of the Cathedral, says although Metropolitan Community Churches, an international denomination of LGBT congregations, isn’t showing growth right now, the number of LGBT-friendly and LGBT-affirming churches is growing at a steady rate.

Cathedral of Hope started in 1970 as the Metropolitan Community Church of Dallas. The church disaffiliated from MCC in 2003 and in 2006 was accepted into the United Church of Christ, a liberal denomination that was the first mainstream denomination to support legalizing same-sex marriage.

“A glance at the organizational directory of the Dallas Voice shows clearly that there are more and more places where we are welcome,” Piazza said. “The Episcopal Church now permits it [same-sex marriage], and it appears the Lutherans are about to join us. This is a train that has left the station and cannot be stopped. Mr. Gallagher needs to be alarmed because the lie he stands for is being increasingly exposed.”

Stabile says the strong spiritual support he found at CoH made him realize it was time for him to give back. And he decided he could do that by helping fill the need for a place that ex-ex gay people “can come to and know they are not alone, that they are loved and loved by God.”

That led to Stabile’s recent announcement of the formation of Love Actually during the inaugural meeting of the North Texas LGBTQA Coalition, held on June 20.
Stabile says he had started out looking for an already-established local organization for other survivors of reparative therapy. But he came up empty-handed.

“I thought, there has to be a place you can go if you have been in straight camp,” he says. “Somewhere you can be brought back into who you are and feel loved.”

It was an experience he really needed because, although Stabile identifies as gay, he says he felt like he didn’t quite fit in with the community after his experiences in reparative therapy, and after announcing he was straight on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s “The 700 Club.”

“I didn’t feel like I fit in the gay community, but I was not straight,” he said.
He says he found an online home at  BeyondExGay.com, where he first started to realize he was not alone, that there are many others like him who’ve been through the same process and “came out gay all over.”

“Love Actually is a place people can come to and know they are not alone, they are loved and loved by God,” Stabile says.

At COH, he says he “experienced so much love and grace I finally realized that the only person that didn’t love me is me. … I thought if God loves me and gay people love me, then I can help others in the same place.”

Stabile feels that forming the group is a spiritual calling.

“If I didn’t feel a calling, I wouldn’t do this,” he says. “I created Love Actually to share that God wants to love you.”

That is a message, he says, that many LGBT people need to hear, especially those who grew up in conservative religious homes and have been “brainwashed” into thinking being gay condemns them to hell.

Stabile says he tried to become straight at Pure Life by repeating affirmations such as “In the name of Jesus, I am straight.” But it didn’t work.

He also says that Pure Life told him the devil was in him in the form of homosexuality and that he was a sex addict.

But Stabile says that one night while out walking on a ridge and praying, he heard a voice as clear as a bell, that told him otherwise: “God,” he asked, “Am I gonna be straight?”

The reply he heard: “No, I made you the way you are. You can suppress who you are, but you’ll never be straight.”

For Stabile, this was a spiritual “aha” moment when he was finally able to come to grips with who he was, to honor himself and recognize he was not going to “burn in hell.”

With Love Actually, Stabile hopes to help others come to the conclusion that being gay is not a choice. He hopes to encourage others to accept themselves as they are.

Pastor Colleen Darraugh of MCC of Greater Dallas agrees.

“We believe that our sexuality and our spirituality are both created by God and are gifts of God. When we accept who we are, who God made us to be, we are able to integrate our being and step into healing and wholeness in our lives and relationships,” she says.

Stabile concludes that it is all about loving unconditionally. He promises that with just a little love, he “can convince people that they definitely don’t want to go to straight camp.”

For more information on Love Actually e-mail Stabile at jmstabile88@yahoo.com.

For more on this story, see the Dallas Voice link.

A Story by Renee Baker, Edge Publications, August 11, 2009

Joey “Angel” Avila is not new to crime. When he was but a young man living in the streets of Old City Park in Dallas, he often awoke in the morning to break into people’s houses. Thirty years later, the 50-year-old Avila, a volunteer for the Dallas Police Department, has become a victim himself.

Avila stepped out of his Reagan Street duplex to walk his dogs on May 2. He spotted two men circling back his way when he reached the boulevard adjacent to the Resource Center of Dallas. Avila said he thought he was safe, until they began to run after him.

“They jumped me in my own driveway,” Avila said. “The dogs were barking, but unfortunately nobody came out to help.”

Avila said one man grabbed him and pushed him to the ground.

“I landed on my knee at first and he pushed me all the way down, holding me down with his foot on my shoulder,” he said.

The second man then searched Avila until he found a wallet, but he did not find the cell phone pinned underneath him.

“Once they got my wallet, they took off and left,” Avila said.

Avila dialed 911 and the police responded in a matter of minutes. The mugging took place at 12:30 a.m. Avila’s duplex is across the street from RCD, where Avila has been a volunteer.

Avila, who is gay, said he believes the motivation for the crime may be drug related and indirectly “against gays.” He said he feels many criminals think gay men won’t fight back and “see homosexuals as easy prey… [and as] quick cash to get drugs.”

“Well, this time they were wrong,” Avila said.

Avila declined to be taken to the emergency room as police suggested, not recognizing at the time he had a slight concussion. An ambulance took him to St. Paul Hospital later the same morning after he became dizzy. The hospital released him after CAT scans and x-rays revealed no life-threatening injuries.

The men who attack Avila cut his upper lip and cheek and a contusion to his left shoulder. Avila’s front tooth was broken in half due to the force the men used to throw him to the ground.

Avila later met with Bret Camp, associate director at the Resource Center of Dallas, who directed him to the Nelson-Tebedo Clinic on Cedar Springs. Jean Sanders, a dentist for the clinic, was able to perform the emergency repair.

Avila said he is not bitter at all with his attackers.

“It is not in my character to strike back,” he said. “I pray for them.”

Avila has had a challenging journey in life himself. His father threw him out of the house at 12.

“Most people were getting up to go into school, but I was getting up to break into people’s houses,” he said.

Avila’s life turned around one day the way he lived his life was not very safe. Avila had a previous life of survival sex and drug addiction and he contracted HIV. He was despondent for years thinking, “If I do enough of these [drugs], then I can just rest and not live this life.”

Avila was able to find a counselor at the Greater Dallas Council on Alcohol and Drug Abuse several years ago that helped him turn his life around.

“It was the first time someone really cared about me… and to help me see the things I did were not right,” he said.

Avila spoke very highly of the Dallas Police Department and what he described as their increased concern for Oak Lawn residents. He said even with increased patrols that more needs to be done because the neighborhood “has gotten too unsafe.” He said criminals know when police change their shifts, and that’s when they strike.

Avila added he has been assaulted again and is considering moving out of the Oak Lawn area.

For more on this story,  click the EDGE link.

A Story by Renee Baker, Dallas Voice, July 23, 2009

Hospice offers options to let the terminally ill die with dignity, and to lift some of the burden their loved ones often shoulder

When a social worker came to John Steele about placing his dying mother in hospice care, he thought it meant they wanted to pull the plug on her lifeline. He thought it meant they would take her off all of her medications and all of her life support.

Steele thought it meant they wanted to just let her die, but “I wasn’t ready to lose my mother,” he said.

But now Steele says he was wrong. He said not only did hospice improve the quality and longevity of his mother’s life, but it changed his entire life career.

Steele, a former theater director, became such an advocate of hospice care that he has become an educational spokesperson for the Autumn Journey Hospice agency. He is also now the head of the Grief Support Ministry at Cathedral of Hope in Dallas.

Hospice care is an end-of-life care, palliative in nature, provided by health professionals and volunteers. It is meant to help those who are terminally ill to live in peace and comfort while maintaining their honor and dignity.

Steele’s mother, who eventually died of congestive heart failure, had been given two months to live, but hospice extended and improved her life, Steele said, adding that within just the first month, his mother was off her bland, sodium-free diet and finally sleeping regularly.

“Within three to four months, Mother was feeling better, and though her heart was declining, she was doing better than ever,” he said.

Hospice care, while intended for those with less than six months to live, also provides much-needed relief to family members and those that care for them.

Jack Adams’ partner of 30 years, Tom LeBlanc, was at first hesitant to accept hospice care in his home.

Adams said, “Originally, Tom said no. He wanted to be independent.”

But when LeBlanc realized how worn out his partner was getting, he agreed.

Adams, a daytime bartender at the Tin Room, couldn’t be home and at work at the same time, so LeBlanc was left untended. At one point LeBlanc, who used a prosthetic leg, fell off of the couch and there was no one there to help.

Steele says family members just can’t continue being the sole source of support for their terminally ill loved ones — and they don’t have to be, since so much help is available, and often for free.

“It’s so sad that the help is there and free most of the time, but thousands and thousands are not getting the help,” Steele said.

Patients often resist getting help because they are not sure they want a stranger to enter their lives and take control of their last days. Adams said he found it to not be that way.

“They are really more like family,” he said, “and they make you feel like family too.”

Regarding control, Adams adds, “They are not in charge. You are in charge.”

Adams said that any time his partner needed an issue addressed, their hospice care providers tried hard to fix the problem. LeBlanc didn’t connect with his first caregiver, for example, so they simply “got a second one,” Adams said.

LeBlanc died two years ago from complications due to diabetes, including congestive heart failure and a subsequent lower leg amputation that would not heal.

Adams said he still misses his long-term partner, especially on holidays and birthdays, but that he was glad LeBlanc was able to die in his sleep, “with a peaceful look on his face.”

Adams said he is grateful for the care he and his partner were given and still keeps in contact with the hospice owners.

He said, “After Tom died, the nurse brought her newborn baby by so I could see it.”

Steele said that losing a loved one during hospice care is an anticipatory type grief, where one is already expecting their loved one to pass on. He said, though it is of course sad, it doesn’t have the sudden impact of losing a loved one unexpectedly.

Steele said many people think of hospice care as taking place in a nursing home, hospital or other long-term-care facility. Instead, hospice care can take place, as in LeBlanc’s situation, right in the dying person’s own home, which is often best for all concerned.

Deb Matthews, a board member at Youth First Texas, did need to use a nursing home in addition to hospice care for her father, Gene Matthews. Her mother, Evelyn Matthews was at home when her husband had a riding lawnmower accident that left him with a broken neck.

Deb Matthews said she was very satisfied with the hospice care that her father received and grateful that it took pressure of caring for him off her mother.

“They were angels, and they catered to [my father],” she said of the hospice workers.

Evelyn Matthews called the hospice workers “wonderful. … They bought him a good bed — automatic,” and “they paid for his medications, his feeding tube and his nursing care,” Evelyn Matthews said.

Evelyn Matthews said that while the hospice care was free and they never sent her a bill, the nursing home costs were $3,000 per month. The state wants you to “go broke” before they will pay for any of the nursing home care, she said. “As long as you’ve got any money, you have to pay.”

But hospice care was another matter, she said, adding that she would definitely recommend it.

“Some people don’t go along with it, because they don’t do anything to prolong your life,” Evelyn Matthews said. “But they do make you as comfortable as they can.”

When it comes to choosing a hospice agency, Steele said the important thing to do is to get references. He suggested calling family members and friends who have used a hospice care company to find out more about the quality of care their loved one received.

The Texas Department of Aging and Disability Services offers information on how to evaluate the quality of care for long-term health care providers throughout the state. The agency also suggests that those looking for services should be sure to inspect facilities and make firsthand evaluations, as well as discussing options with the patient’s medical doctor.

People looking for ways to get involved with hospice care can volunteer, since volunteers are regularly needed to sit with patients, help them with phone calls, run errands for them, or help them at home with projects such as building a wheelchair ramp or tending to the garden.

Steele said, “Hospice is all about helping people — and in those last stages, we do need permission to die.”

For more information on hospice care or to learn more about volunteering, contact John Steele online at www.autumnjourneyhospice.com or the Texas DADS at www.dads.state.tx.us.

For more on this story, see the Dallas Voice link.